NORAD, North Korea, and the War On Xmas

Kim Jong-Il is dead, but his spirit is alive and well in NORAD.

Since the 50s, NORAD has “tracked’ Santa’s whereabouts as he flies from the North Pole to deliver presents to children worldwide. NORAD personnel answer phone calls and emails from children, updates its Twitter/Facebook, recruit thousands of volunteers, and embed their updates into local news stations and media.

But it’s all in the spirit of the holidays right? What’s my fucking problem?

Let me first make salient the idea that Santa Claus does not exist.

Now consider, that a joint organization of Canada and the United States that provides aerospace warning, air sovereignty, and defense for the two countries, is involved in making sure that children believe this fairy tale.

This practice is eerily similar to that of North Korean state Media reinforcing Kim Jong-Il’s supernatural Godlike powers to a population that is almost childlike in its awareness of the world. Therefore in both NK and USA/CA, the state is actively using its institutions to indoctrinate its people for the express purpose of “National Interest”. NORAD is at the helm reassuring kids that Santa is on his way with their favourite toy, and no parent would dare let his child down, especially after such evidence is presented by NORAD and the entire media establishment.

Where’s the “national interest”, you ask? Q4 sales and earnings are a Big Fucking Deal in Amerika, as is reinforcing the consumerist tone of the holidays and the pre-eminence of Christianity and Coca Cola in your heart. Never you mind that Santa has nothing to do with Jesus or Coke. NORAD’s got this one, and they’re gonna help squeeze every last dollar out of the coveted 4-to-8 year-old demographic.

Apparently NORAD is highly skilled at tracking magical flying deer through blizzards, but not 4 hijacked planes heading towards major economic and military buildings in densely populated urban centers. But to be fair, they were distracted on Sept 11 2001 by reports of Easter Bunny sightings in California.