Adele VS The Thing That Must Not Live

So this happened.

The same week that fashion heavyweight and real-life featherweight Karl Lagerfeld derided Adele’s weight, I discovered the world’s thinnest “model”, Ioana Spangenberg.

This is literally the best picture I could find

C’mon guy. LOOK AT HER/THAT. The fact that this lady is a model is proof that god doesn’t exist. Karl’s complaint – that Adele had a pretty face but is “a little too fat” – is not an uncommon sentiment in an industry that markets Patient Zero as a sex symbol. They reward extreme weight loss and attack each pound gained at an exponential rate.

I’m not going to rant about objectification of women and setting impossible beauty standards, as that is the work of fellow Men and according to the male Memorandum of Understanding (yes it exists) we must respect what gives each of us a boner.

The real problem is that fashion industry’s Skeletor fetish is fuelling an ultra skinny trend that guys like me don’t find attractive. It’s straddling sexy curvy girls with multiple inferiority complexes, and rendering many hot girls unattractive because of their angst-ridden personality.

Can we not work together and create an equal skinny-to-thick ratio guys? What good is a patriarchy if half of us can’t find any women attractive enough to objectify? I like me some curves goddamnit!

The fashion industry is cockblocking me and IT MUST STOP.